A Day In the Life.

Days like today.

I am not quite sure why but they always tend to leave me with a sort of unsettling apathy. It is as if my imagination no longer has any imposition on reality where I used to sometimes not be able to discern daydreams from consciousness. Everything seems extraordinarily bland yet it is a sort of plainness that is almost beautiful in some strange way. I find it kind of embarrassing in retrospect, but I used to feel some sense of fear while walking through dark rooms but now I feel no different than walking in broad daylight. I don’t know what incited this change in my perspective but I suppose there is not much I can do about it except ride it out and see what happens.

I also think that we are going to put Christi down. Most of my friends would probably be relieved to hear this but when I realized that it was the only way to ensure that he doesn’t hurt anybody or himself, I wept. I suppose I can’t blame them though, they could never truly understand my attachment to that dog (or really most things about me in the first place.) They are too caught up making juvenile gay jokes about one another to consider that some people feel grief after making difficult decisions or take interest in things that transcend what can be understood physically. The downfall of us that do is becoming subjected to judgement of others who are willing to settle with what they are taught in Sunday school. Whatever. I suppose I had better get used to it, most people these days won’t try to understand anyway.

Maybe I am just arrogant or something. I suppose there is always college to look forward to.